ALPHARETTA, GA – Gail Beckman M.D., Psy.D. F.A.C.O.G., M.B.A., has just released a highly anticipated report concerning her research into the influence of the pandemic on the consumer behavior and psychology. A tenured professor and Dean of Students at her own online University, Dr. Beckman has promoted her work as a must watch. According to her research, presented in a six-part series of You Tube videos, we are in for another run on toilet paper. Her message: get ready.

Taking notes as we consumed the clips, a must for anyone conducting their own research and due diligence on any controversial topic, it quickly became apparent that 1) not only does she know what she is talking about, but 2) she is the preeminent authority on the subject. Also, and it is important to note, whenever she appeared to slightly meander off topic she has the means to employ an unknown man off camera to prompt her back on message. The result, a truly compelling and emotionally triggering message that you would be foolish not to heed. In fact, the news sparked so much outrage throughout our own offices here at YAWN that we immediately prioritized the publishing of this article to help share and advance her message.

In her video, the primary narrative is crystal clear—even though she has the accreditations and scholarship to support her truth, Dr. Beckman lowers herself to communicate in plain, slightly broken, English to the common man, arguing that it does not take extensive training as a foreign intelligence agent to come to the same conclusion. “I spent weeks researching these findings just by living my life and leveraging common sense. You only have to click through Facebook for five minutes to come to the same conclusion. Unfortunately,” she continues, “most people’s voices go unheard because they don’t have the same letters listed after their names, or social media presence, as I do.” Indeed, Dr. Beckman has over 10 million subscribers on both You Tube and her Facebook owned platforms.

As she laid out the logic behind her theory in an exclusive interview we found it impossible to not agree with her. “As I say in the video, I had been a practicing obstetrician for 12 years before last month when decided to dedicate my life to my research,” further supporting her standing as a learned pioneer brave enough to speak truth. This foundation of experience was immediately followed by a moment of inspiration and awe as she preached the facts, and spilled the beans about what is hidden behind her You Tube advertisement laden pay wall: “Pandemic lockdowns equal bulk toilet paper buying and baby making. Nine months later, you have a baby, and 89% of people will have run out of toilet paper. Ipso Facto, you buy more toilet paper. Then what do you do? You make another baby. See? And the cycle they don’t want you to know about continues.” Yes, Dr. Beckman, we are listening, and we hear you.

Following through to her conclusion, Dr. Beckman continues to deliver the facts. “They don’t want you to know, but my algorithm indicates that we’re going to have another run on toilet paper in,” she performs some mental math, “March 2020 plus nine that’s December, plus another nine, so that’s…September 2021. We will have another run on toilet paper in September 2021” she concludes. Yes, it is that simple. Never before has YAWN Daily had the opportunity to break such prescient news. Join us in heeding Dr. Beckman’s warning and stock up before it’s too late. For more on this impending crises, to read what they don’t want you to know, or for any other important information about your life, please refer to your Facebook home page.