MELBOURNE, AUS – G’day mates!¹ Straight off a fresh influx of funding, thanks to our $15M Series A round, YAWN Daily is spending a couple weeks down under to bring you the scoop on the Australian Open.  Between trips to the pub for neck oil² and tucker,³ we are happy to report that the matches have been keeping the socially distanced crowds of ripsnorters⁴ on their feet. However, and as is the case most often in professional tennis, it is the verbal sparring off the court that has been hotter than the shrimp on the barbie.⁵

This week’s drama was stirred up by the obvious tennis supervillain, Nick Kyrgios.  In tennis circles, Kyrgios is about as popular as a rattle snake in a lucky dip.⁶ During his post-game press conference last weekend, Kyrgios brought up previous comments made by Novak Djokovic.  “It’s a strange one for me, because, you know, I read his comments, he said he doesn’t respect me off the court,” Kyrgios said. “But I’m not quite sure how he can’t respect me off the court…  I was driving around delivering food to people during the pandemic that didn’t or couldn’t get the supplies.”

We got a hot tip from an anonymous cane toad⁷ inside Djokovic’s camp to shed a little light on the feud.  “Nick doesn’t want people to know that he’s been delivering food to Mimi’s⁸ in exchange for magical interference at the Australian Open.”  Crikey!⁹  As the conversation took a turn, YAWN Daily must inform our readership that we fully and completely condemn any use of magic; especially when it has been leveraged to influence the outcome of sporting events.

In his match against American Taylor Fritz late Friday night, Djokovic appeared injured. It was later revealed, fair dinkum,¹⁰ that Djokovic had suffered an abdominal tear.  He spent the match grimacing, and took the maximum time allowed for medical timeouts.  It was apparent that Krigos’ comments resulted in Djokovic’s chooks turning into emus that had kicked his dunny door down.¹¹

Also under the lights on Friday night, Kyrgios was in prime position to upset the 3-seed Dominic Thiem, after taking a commanding 2 sets to 0 lead. A win on Friday would have allowed Kyrigos to march on toward a fateful meeting against Djokovic. However, being fickle creatures, the Mimis clearly turned on Kyrgios at that point (speculative reporting indicates that the Mimis did not like the food he gave them).  Kyrgios played a Barry,¹² and Thiem stormed back to win the final three sets, sending Krygios home to nearby Canberra, AUS.

Meanwhile, Djokovic managed to play through the injury and defeated Fritz, once again demonstrating that the greatest tennis players in the world are able to overcome the erratic influence of fairy magic.  “If it’s any other tournament than a Grand Slam, then I would retire, withdraw from the event. That’s for sure,” Djokovic said after winning again on Sunday night.  While he might not be fit as a Mallee bull,¹³ we here at YAWN Daily hope that Djokovic can get a fair go, mate, a fair suck of the sauce bottle, a fair crack of the whip.¹⁴

Sources Cited:

1. Kaisa (19 February 2020). G’day, mate: 10 Aussie expressions to master. https://www.ef.com/wwen/blog/language/10-aussie-expressions-to-master/. Item 2 & 3. “2. “Mate” What does it mean? Another word for friend. Common in Britain as well, but used even more enthusiastically by Aussies, who pepper the ends of their sentences with a longer, stretched out “maaaaate” that conveys friendliness and establishes a relaxed bond between the speakers. Can also be used to start a sentence, for effect. How do you use it? “Sorry, can you tell me what time the train leaves?”, “At 2 o’clock, mate” or “Mate. You won’t believe what I saw”.” & “3. “G’day” What does it mean? General greeting, used instead of “hello”, both day and night. Often combined with “mate”, as in… How do you use it? “G’day, mate!” (mostly used by men though, not so often by women.)” Accessed 15 Feb 2021.
2. Distant Journeys (03 October 2018). 13 Examples of Australian Slang You May Not Have Heard. https://www.distantjourneys.co.uk/blog/13-examples-australian-slang-may-heard/. Item 6. “Neck oil– beer, the most popular alcoholic drink in Australia.” Accessed 15 Feb 2021.
3. Distant Journeys, Item 10. “Tucker– food, used mostly by bushmen. May be familiar to UK audiences via TV show I’m A Celebrity…’s bush-tucker trials.” Accessed 15 Feb 2021.
4. Khoury, Matt (18 December 2017). Australian slang: 33 phrases to help you talk like an Aussie. https://www.cnn.com/travel/article/australian-slang-phrases/index.html. Item 25. “Someone playing a good game of sport (having a “blinder”), or something that’s exceptionally good. Can also be “bonza” or “beaut.”” Accessed 15 February 2021.
5. Wikipedia contributors. (2020, November 15). Shrimp on the barbie. In Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia. from https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Shrimp_on_the_barbie&oldid=988807825 Accessed 15 February 2021.
6. Distant Journeys, Item 7. “Popular as a rattle snake in a lucky dip– someone who is incredibly unpopular.” Accessed 15 Feb 2021.
7. Khoury, Item 19. “Toads, banana benders, cockies, sandgropers, crow eaters These are favorite ways Aussies disparage those who live elsewhere. Tropical Queensland has many more bananas and cane toads than people, so they’re branded banana benders or cane toads.”
8. Wikipedia contributors. (2021, January 28). Mimi (folklore). In Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia. from https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Mimi_(folklore)&oldid=1003298443. Accessed 15 February 2021.
9. Khoury, Item 12. “Crikey, blimey – Euphemisms used to communicate amazement or surprise.
10. Distant Journeys, Item 13. “Fair Dinkum – to say that something is true, fair or honest.
11. Green’s Dictionary of Slang. chook n. https://greensdictofslang.com/entry/arv3x4i. Item 7. “may your chooks turn into emus and kick your […] dunny (door) down (Aus.) used to convey one’s extreme annoyance with another’s actions or words.” Accessed 15 Feb 2021.
12. Distant Journeys, Item 5. “He played a Barry– he was absolutely terrible.” 
13. Distant Journeys, Item 3. “Fit as a Mallee bull– in excellent physical condition. The Mallee is a very dry area in Victoria, where animals living there would need to be fit and strong to survive.”
14. Khoury, Item 33. “Fair go, mate. Fair suck of the sauce bottle. Fair crack of the whip Made famous by the ill-fated former Prime Minister Kevin Rudd, who enjoyed using Australian slang to speak to the electorate and often pleaded for a “fair suck.” The phrase generally means that you want to be treated fairly.”